So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
