some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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