so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
