I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
