is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
