You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can I color on your dick again?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
