I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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