My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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