So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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