it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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