I cockslap morals
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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