Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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