I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize