i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Alive.
So much puke
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The struggles of a small town man whore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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