Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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