btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
