You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize