Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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