if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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