: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
