don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
