This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want you more than these girls want KFC
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
