i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i think i just lost a toe
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
