my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
