literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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