I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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