i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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