i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
