he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
