I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
