On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
