We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
