Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
