After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
