i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
