And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
