she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
