I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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