Bisexual people are plain selfish.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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