what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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