I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
