Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
