i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
