just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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