I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
