Midget sex pt 2 tonight
420 ftw
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
