So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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