I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize