he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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