Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize