HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
