I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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