I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
