in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
