i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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