Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
