im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
