it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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