My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
