bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just high enough for therapy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
