It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
