Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
