Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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