I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
