I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize