Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
