i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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