All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
