No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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