Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
