new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There r osticjed everywhere
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
