I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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