Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
