did you get engaged???
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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