i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
