Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
